dualisnet | UN: Almasy

[Seifer will eventually own up to needing help for physical trauma once he thinks he needs it. Which will... probably be later than most normal people but hey, he's used to it. Anything else he'll just flatly refuse is a problem forever so.

Never mind any of that. There's cocoa.]

Hey, no way, that's perfect. I love cocoa.

[While he doesn't have a strong sweet tooth for everything, cocoa is always a winner.]

That and tea, we used to share it back at the village...

[Oh. Oops.]

[Rinoa is all smiles up until his last sentence. Not that it fades completely, but that there is a definite change in her demeanour at his words. Another one? Another one. Another person who knows of a different Rinoa from a different time. And the 'village.' It isn't the first time it's been referenced to her. Steph from the cafe said something similar. Or rather, that she recognised Rinoa from there.

Once more, she cannot help but wonder what was this other Rinoa like. Was she kind? Was she the same? Who will she, the Rinoa of now and here, become? Nida's declined from telling her much, perhaps to stop some kind of strange sci-fi time paradox from occurring, but her insides burn with an undying curiosity.

After a moment, she straightens herself up.]

...Huh. Guess I shouldn't be surprised. Seems like... there's a lot of people here who knew a me I don't know. [She tries not to frown. It's hard. It's really hard just to pretend it's not getting to her when she knows that it is. And she can't even talk to Squall about it because she doesn't think he'd get it. Rinoa swallows and forces a smile, something that isn't a first for her and she's willing to wager it won't be a last either.]

So you and her... [Which is weird to phrase is like so considering 'her' is really... well. Her.] Were you guys close? [The way I want us to be?]

[Seifer and his big mouth. He sighs, flopping back... carefully. Stitches are sore and he doesn't want to make things worse. It's not like they had anesthesia on them or anything.]

So you've already heard some about it. Did anyone else tell you much?

[Guess he might as well tell her some of village Rinoa, whom he is quite certain was also really Rinoa. She just doesn't remember anymore, which is sad.]

You, [He corrects, because they are one and the same. Just with weird memories, he's sure of it.] We lived together.

[Oh, wait, maybe he should elaborate.]

Uh, the three of us. You, me, Nida. Y'know, keepin' an eye on each other.

[Yes. They were very close.]

[Rinoa shakes her head.] No. Nida wouldn't tell me much. He... I think he was afraid if he did, I might try to be more like her.

[Like me, except it wasn't her at all. Not to her. She tries not to, but can't help it. With so many others where she feels like she has to smile constantly, at least in Seifer's company, she feels like she can be a little more like herself.

At least, she thinks that until he continues. They lived together? Nida definitely didn't say as much to her. It takes her some moments to put herself back together. She clears her throat and tilts her head thoughtfully.]

...I see. Keeping an eye on each other. Sounds like... us, I guess.

Sounds like Nida.

[Overly cautious. Probably wisely overly cautious. Still... she deserved to know. He was just thinking of it in a way similar to how they experienced Guardian Forces. All of them supposedly growing up, this life Seifer can't at all remember. Did any of it really happen?

They know each other better than some of the others. At least, he'd like to think so, given how they were before the war. After... things are still awkward here. He still wants to try to fix it.]

Mhmm, you insisted I come. Didn't have anywhere else to go so... [He shrugged. Hyne it had been awkward starting out.] It was... nice. We had a good system going. I cooked, you took care of tidying, Nida brought firewood and supplies. It was simple.

[That sounds like something she'd do, too. Give him a place to stay. Regardless of whatever the past holds or how it still seems to have a hand on both of them, she never wants anything bad to befall him. At least, not if she can help it. She might not deserve to feel that way after all that's been said and done, but it's the truth. Asking Rinoa not to care is... well. It's like asking her not to breathe.

Seifer continues and her expression softens ever in slight. Sounds like the three of them had the right idea. Strength in numbers, or something like it. Quite possibly 'misery loves company,' though she's too optimistic to say so.]

That doesn't sound horrible. Hyne knows I can't cook, but I can clean. [Maybe in that respect, this other Rinoa and she weren't too different. She wants to ask and can't. Fear grips at something inside of her and she realises she might not like the answer. As such, she can only wonder. Unless she somehow sprouts courage.]

[She did. She absolutely insisted. Having nowhere else to go, and feeling a kind of responsibility to look out for her he'd accepted. In a lot of ways she looked out for him and Nida as well. They made an interesting little family. They still have a lot to work through, and while she might not remember it Seifer did remember the progress they'd made.

Even if he was still gunshy about having to do it again. He isn't very good at these emotional things. She knows that much about him he expects. Interestingly they weren't miserable at all. Well, alright the situation sucked a little but they made it work.]

I'd like to think I'm an alright cook. Nida still insists I feed him daily. [As does the cat-like Squall now, hilariously. He'd feed Rinoa too if she came down for meals. Seifer likes to cook.]

You helped new arrivals outta the fountain. Always there with towels and directions. Always helpin' people.

[He kind of admired that about her. She just seemed to know what was needed while the rest of them were clueless.]

Well, it's kind of sweet to see you taking care of him. To know you took care of us. [It's a little hard to picture, but endearing all the same. The thing about Seifer, though, and most people, is that he isn't simply one way and one way only. The reason people are so miraculous as they are is because of their multifaceted beings. Rinoa's like that, too. But she never starts really thinking about it until someone else says something she didn't quite expect.

As he continues to fill in the holes, she's reminded of a recent conversation she's had with Squall.]

Sounds... like me. Again. You know, it's interesting. Squall not too long ago told me he thought I always knew what to say. To people. In situations. Made it sound like some great gift. [Dismissively she lifts a hand and wiggles it to and fro.]

Sometimes you can't think about what to do. Sometimes you can only do. Even a bad action is better than inaction.

To be fair, you started the birthday thing. [The boys hadn't even considered trying to celebrate. That was a Rinoa tradition. Trying to learn how to be people. It's funny what happens when you have the time to step back and really try to get to know someone. More than just the mask they put out there for you to see. It's difficult for all of them, they've spent so much of their lives wearing a mask to appear a certain type of presentable. Rinoa included.

They ended up being pretty good for each other in the end.]

Yeah, well, she was you. Far as I can tell. Dunno how this time and space bullshit works exactly but I'm pretty sure you were you, even if you don't remember it.

[He just huffs an amused, rueful sound, and gestures faintly as if to say 'you're talking to the expert on bad action here.'

As if Seifer would have ever been capable of inaction back then. It sure did backfire horribly though didn't it?]

She was me. I don't know if I agree with you.

[Rinoa eyes him for several moments, but when she realises she can't keep her gaze there, she draws it aside. She doesn't have those memories. Doesn't know the same people. Doesn't know what happened, what she was like, what she did. All she has is Nida and Seifer to rely on, one of whom seems to have little interest in giving her information. Probably for the right reason. There's no way to tell that Rinoa is meant to follow one path and one alone. Likewise, there's no way to tell how Rinoa will be shaped by the events of the present and those of the future.

None of their futures are certain. Maybe that's why Nida keeps his mouth shut.]

It... doesn't really matter at the end of the day. We're still two different versions of the same person. I might not become like her. I can only be who I am. As can we all. So whoever I become in the future, I guess I want to make the most of what I've got here in front of me.

[Now. Tomorrow. In a week from now. In a month. In a year. As usual, Rinoa's heart is displayed right out in the open.]

[He just shrugs. To him they're both Rinoa, but he supposes he can understand. It's a lot of how he feels about this whole orphanage thing he's heard about. Can't remember enough of it to confirm or deny that it was even him. Felt like an entirely alien, separate life. Maybe it's a bit like that for her.

Seifer has a big mouth and says too much. One day maybe he'll learn to shut up. Probably not, sadly.

Still, he glances away, heaving a sigh. She's right, after all. That other Rinoa isn't her. She's not going to remember what they went through together already. They'll just have to start fresh.]

Then... [He hesitates, frowning over at her warily.] Maybe we should get to know each other here instead?

[He's full of surprises.

She's distracted by something, anything that isn't him. At least until he finds the courage to utter his next words. Was there a point at all, in their summer romance in which she ever thought she really knew him? She doesn't even have an answer to that.

It's never too late to start, is it?]

I'd... like that. [She nods slowly and gradually brings her dark stare back onto him.] I think I've wanted that for a long time actually. Maybe... I just didn't have the courage to say so.

[He tries!

With the war hanging like a giant, hungry behemoth between them, that summer felt like a lifetime ago as well. They may never have the easy, uncomplicated relationship they had back then, but in a way this is more meaningful now is it not? Trying to cross the bridges that Seifer at least thought were forever burned.

Could someone like him really ever earn forgiveness?

Still, if she's willing to let him try he'd like that chance. Maybe it's just the stupid, desperate part of him wanting to find out if he's really as lost a cause as he's always thought.]

[He nods, maybe even brightens up just a touch. She doesn't know how much a chance means to him.]

Well... why not? And this time we don't have any wars loomin' over our heads to distract us.

[Yet, anyway.]

[Is she... colouring? A little bit, actually. Feelings never really go away and maybe that's part of why Rinoa has, in turn, kind of avoided him back home. She's never known what to say and she knows herself. She knows how transparent she can be. She knows of her very bad habit of saying things and not being able to properly filter out what's right and what's wrong. So maybe she's been afraid of saying something she'd regret.

Maybe it's even deeper than that.

Every time she looks at him, she just thinks about what she said back in Galbadia Garden. And her heart threatens to catch right in her throat. She has no right to even think about it, much less to feel it. not even back then, she imagines.]

I can think of fewer things that could compare to spending time with you. It's been long overdue. I've got a lot to make up for, don't I.

[She chuckles.] Good thing I'm just annoying enough to make that happen.

[Not that Seifer would have noticed as he was trying to hide from everyone in return. Though for decidedly different reasons. Until his time in the village and here he'd assumed the worst. Sometimes it was nice being proven wrong. Rinoa's blushing only helped confirm that maybe he wasn't the only one still harboring leftover feelings, complex as they now were.

There was still so much left unspoken between them.

Her comment, however, does earn a rueful huff.]

Tch, I'm sure you can think of a few things.

[Spending time with Squall he'd imagine would be much higher on that list. Don't mind Seifer he's a little self depreciating deep down.]

Still. Wouldn't mind trying again on that friendship thing.

[She laughs a little, even as she contemplates what he might be implicating with his words. She suspects that it could... very well be... envy. Of what, she doesn't know. She won't ask either, in spite of the curiosity that's roiling within her.

Shaking her head, she issues a soft sigh.]

I thought we already agreed we were going to. Unless you just want to hear me say it over and over again. Which I mean, I can.

[Rinoa grins as she weaves her hands together.] But that aside, is there anything I can do for you? I could read to you or something. Tell you stories? Something to let you relax since you're still recovering.

[She might just be on to something there. There's a very strong possibility that someone's still sore and resentful over the fact he was tossed aside before he was even hypothetically cold in the ground. There's a lot of resentment under there he keeps under wraps don't mind him.]

Hey, I lost a lot of blood you can't blame me for bein' a little delirious.

[It's as good an excuse as any.]

Still wouldn't mind a cup of that cocoa? 'Course I imagine you're gonna wanna go check on Squall he's the idiot got his head knocked.

[He is both informing her so she doesn't freak out and also testing how quickly she's going to leave him. It's a mean trick.]

Mmhmm. I'm sure that's what it is. [Rinoa's calling his bluff and poking a little fun at him. When things get too serious, then they get a little awkward. As... they've both witnessed multiple times now. Of course, there are likely some serious hurdles they need to climb over together, and Rinoa suspects that he's not in a hurry to do so.

...She probably isn't either.

She's in the process of nodding and certainly with the mind to make him some cocoa when his followed words grant her pause. She pauses back in his doorway and simply stares at him.]

It's not just one of you, it's both of you? [She pinches the bridge of her nose and shakes her head slowly.] What am I going to do about you guys? I always have to be the mom. In that case, I guess that means I have some choice words for him, too. If you guys are gonna do something dangerous, would it kill you to tell me? Otherwise, I find out in ways that...

[In ways that she worries. One day she might not be able to help either of them. That's a frightening thought.]

Look. I just... I don't want to lose you guys. That's why I ask to be included. What if something happened and no one told me anything, What am I supposed to do? So next time, Seifer. [She straightens up and gestures to him.] At least send me a text that says you're getting in trouble, so I know what to expect.

[...Doesn't seem she has any plans to be running off anywhere. She's here first, after all. Squall probably knows what's coming to him anyway.]

[It's his story and he's sticking to it. She's not wrong he just won't admit it. Otherwise things will definitely get awkward and neither of them want that.

He's not going to be the one who volunteers the hurdle this time. Just quietly resentful without explanation. Because he's an asshole that can't trust or appreciate nice things.

Exactly why he sabotaged a perfectly enjoyable conversation! Her words earn a slight wince, with him averting his gaze to the wall and setting his jaw. It's not her job to baby them they're fine.]

Ain't my fault he forgot how to train. Nothin' dangerous about it.

[Normally. It was supposed to be routine.

Although he has to admit he's surprised she's not rushing off to tend to Squall. A sentiment reflected in the confused look he shoots her.]

That's how you wanna play it, huh?

[She looks unimpressed and doesn't bother to disguise it.] It's fine if you don't care, but I do. Maybe you and Squall want to be the ones acting nonchalant like it doesn't matter, but your lives don't just impact you. [Or her.]

[Rinoa has half a mind to continue because nagging is what she's best at, but... If he doesn't want to hear it, then he'll choose not to hear it. No different from Squall in that respect. How could those two ever have been at odds when they're so alike? For some moments, she looks... disappointed. And a little hurt. But she decides not to say anything more.

And disappears just long enough to make them both some cocoa, because now she needs some too. Seems like the only solace she'll be getting comes from a cup. Somehow, she is less than surprised.]

[That earns a scowl in return. Training is what they do, of course it isn't serious to them. Not being able to hold up in training is serious, means choking in a real battle and that's when you die. Doesn't she realize that?

It's what they're for. She knew that going in

She leaves before he can snap back, probably a good idea before he goes burning bridges as he's ever so good at doing.

Instead he just sulks. Chewing sourly on her words. What does she know? Squall's the only one whose life matters out of them anyway. That's how it's always been.

Something the most similar people are the ones most at odds with each other.

By the time she's returned he's fallen into a brooding silence. Tucked himself into the furthest corner on his bed and settled on scowling at the wall across from him.]

[She's seen that look before. On him. On Squall. On her own father's face. Seems like an unfortunate common happenstance, doesn't it? She eyes him for some moments, cycling through the variety of things she could say, some she probably shouldn't, some he should probably hear whether he wants to or not. You just don't want me to be right, she thinks momentarily before she pieces herself back together.

Rinoa settles down their cups on the table nearest them and maybe she should just hand his to him first. But she is... still herself at the end of the day and just crawls into bed with him. Doesn't even ask. Just does it because what are personal boundaries. Only when she's settled does she offer his cup over to him. Little does he know that the moment he takes it, she intends to just cosy right on up against him.

Misery loves company, or something like it.]

Sorry. [She begins thoughtfully.] You guys are the combatants. I'm not. I shouldn't be getting involved in it. Yeah, it'd be nice for you guys to be more careful, but it is what it is. [Maybe not knowing about it is just something she has to expect. To some degree, because she won't always be able to get them out of a jam, she has to trust them to handle themselves on occasion. Without her meddlesome interference.]

[Maybe it comes with the territory of military personnel. Being unwilling or unable to talk about... Really anything. There was a lot he could say, none of which would improve their situation right now.

Burning bridges is the only way he can at least feel like he had some control over the inevitable loss. She'll abandon him like everyone else. Like she already has before.

Which only makes it more surprising that she's sticking around. Shoving herself right up into his space. He doesn't think he deserves to take any comfort in it, even though he is. Just a little. Very cautiously.

It's nice. Feeling wanted once in a while.]

It's just training.

[Of course he's going to keep protesting that it's no big deal.]

If we were going anywhere actually dangerous we'd tell you.

[They're big boys. It's what they're made to do. Fight wars, forever, until they die. What else is there for them?]

Just training. [She raises an eyebrow, not wholly convinced, but... She's beaten that into the ground at this point, hasn't she? Settling in with her cocoa right against him, she realises that it's been... one of the few times so far in the city that she's felt even remotely comfortable. If they weren't in a completely foreign place, she'd almost feel right at home.

The company helps, whether he's aware of it or not. It's been hard to integrate herself. It shouldn't be. She's talkative and friendly, but now that she has all of this time to contemplate the past and figure out what to do with her present and her future, it's a complicated mess. She almost likes it better when things were constantly on the go. This whole thinking thing is making her perceive things a little bit more closely. She can see so many things she's said and done that were... Well. Wrong.]

Hopefully you guys won't have to go anywhere dangerous. Hopefully none of us will. [She pauses after a moment and finds herself laughing quietly.] I already know that won't happen. I'm not going to get caught up in the unrealistic. So we'll just have to do the best we can with what we've got. We're all here together. [And it's nice to see him and Squall kind of, sort of getting along. Or supposedly, if what Squall told her is true.]

Your cocoa okay? It's not too hot, is it? I was gonna put little marshmallows in it, but I felt weird going through your stuff.

[This time it is the truth. Just training. Why Squall froze up and got himself clocked is a good question, not one Seifer has any current answers to. They'll have to deal with that another time.

It is comfortable, strangely so, a familiar comfort that feels lifetimes away. Maybe Squall will forgive him for stealing just this much.

If he knew her thoughts he'd agree on the one point, being on the go keeps one from thinking too much. Part of why he works himself until he can't stand anymore. It's the only way to keep himself out of his head.

Her comment earns a rueful huff. Seifer doesn't need to say it, she already knows that's impossible.]

Something's brewing. Better to prepare now for the worst.

[What it is he doesn't know but there's a tension in the air. This whole thing with the Head and the Heart is going to come to a head, taking them along with it.

She's right though. At least they had each other. They were getting along! Weirdly enough. Helped being outside Garden's expectations.

He shook his head, taking a sip. So far he'd been staring distantly into it.]

No, it's perfect. Dunno if we have any.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject