[Discovering a new identity beyond Garden feels like such a luxury. Squall's been afforded some in the war but getting to know what Seifer's experienced in the other place would be an experience.
The shift in tone isn't lost on him and while he knew the weight of the subject, Seifer's response still catches him off guard. He's silent for a moment. He remembers that Seifer's taken the SeeD exam multiple times. Apart from what Quistis and Xu said in passing before the exam, he doesn't actually know why Seifer failed so many times. He could venture a few guesses though.]
[All a matter of perspective. Having the opportunity, the freedom to choose is one thing. Having that choice ripped away and forced into the situation without any fallback plans or safety nets. Cut loose and left to drift. It's not an ideal position to be in. At least with the Iteration there were so many people willing to help. Here it felt more daunting.
Seifer's taken the exam at every opportunity as soon as he was old enough to do so. And yet failed every single one of them. Reminders of his failings were always a sore topic, but this particular one was an even deeper dig. He could never be anything more than a lapdog, pathetic, and a failure.
That was his legacy.]
Doesn't fuckin' matter either way. [He spits. And yes the hostilities have gone up, the defensive thorns slammed into place. Squall treading into something just a little too personal, where the digs might actually hurt. Had he ever realized the hostility was his own way of protecting himself?] No point in asking.
[Maybe he did. Once. Maybe not anymore. He's not sure. What he is sure is that being so thoroughly denied has left a festering sore.]
[Choice definitely is a luxury. Seifer's anger has Squall sit up straighter but that's the only movement he telegraphs. That thoughtful frown is there. He's trying to understand, trying to figure out the right thing to say. It really isn't all that long ago that they were still standing behind the same line. It's startling how far they've split off since.]
Maybe. [A brief pause. He redirects his gaze downwards.] You should have been. [Another pause.] You've always been stronger.
[A luxury long denied to them both. And while logically Seifer realizes that, it doesn't stop him from being bitter over the fact that their lack of choices and fate saw fit to grant Squall so much. While tossing Seifer to the side like so much refuse. A harsh reminder that there isn't enough room for them both.
He sits up to level a narrow-eyed stare in Squall's direction, barely holding back his malice.]
And a damn lot of good that did me. Not when you're the golden boy. The favorite. Doesn't matter how hard I fight, no matter what I do everything is yours.
[He snarls, barely containing his anger and bitterness now. Acknowledging it only helps him feel a little vindicated. In the end that never mattered either. Compared to Squall, he was nothing.]
[The accusations leveled at him is enough to make Squall sit up properly now. His expression turning into a fierce glare. What the hell is Seifer on about? Perfect? Everything is his? Who the hell would want all that weight on his shoulders? He wouldn't give back any of the good things he gained but it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows either. Why the hell is he being made to feel bad for that?]
I never asked for any of it.
[His anger is a lot more subdued compared to Seifer's but it's there in the deeper drone of his voice.]
[That's better. Not this placating attempt at friendship. Patronizing. There's the surly asshole Seifer knows so well. The one who has everything and can't be bothered to be even a tiny bit grateful for it.]
But you got it. Handed to you on a silver Hyne-damned platter.
[It didn't matter if he didn't want it. In a way it made it even more infuriating because it made every effort to try to earn something useless. No matter what he did Seifer would forever be relegated to the useless, pathetic failure he was destined to be. While Squall? All he had to do was exist and succeed.]
People try to hand you the fuckin' world, Leonhart, and all you can do is sulk about it.
[He aborts the growl threatening to escape, rising to his feet instead with his fists clenched]
Why are you getting mad at me for? Neither of us had a choice. I'd have given it all to you if you want it so badly. What's so great about having destiny pushed on me? My life was decided the day matron inherited Ultimecia's powers. The day I-
[He cuts himself off, scowling. He doesn't know if he wished he never told matron about SeeD or Garden that day. It was the right thing to do. The only thing he could have done.]
Forget it. I'm sorry I asked.
[He was trying the best he can. In a way he's aware he had the luxury Seifer didn't but it doesn't make it easier to have it thrown back in his face.]
[Seifer just stares at him, the scowl not softening in the least, refusing to stand. He knows if he does this will end in a brawl and right now that's not going to make either of them feel any better.]
The day you what?
[He snarled dangerously. They both had their lives decided for them in that moment. That one would rise and one would fall a puppet. Squall being annoyed about it only makes the bite worse. The slap in the face all the more humiliating. He doesn't even have the decency to realize it.
[It's better they don't for now. It will only escalate the longer they try to address it. Given Seifer's volatile temper it's a wonder he managed to spot the need to disengage before he escalated it himself.
Progress, even if it doesn't look like it on the surface. He'll be back to annoying Squall when he's not hating him. They both need to sulk in their rooms a while.]
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no subject
The shift in tone isn't lost on him and while he knew the weight of the subject, Seifer's response still catches him off guard. He's silent for a moment. He remembers that Seifer's taken the SeeD exam multiple times. Apart from what Quistis and Xu said in passing before the exam, he doesn't actually know why Seifer failed so many times. He could venture a few guesses though.]
... Do you still want to be SeeD?
no subject
Seifer's taken the exam at every opportunity as soon as he was old enough to do so. And yet failed every single one of them. Reminders of his failings were always a sore topic, but this particular one was an even deeper dig. He could never be anything more than a lapdog, pathetic, and a failure.
That was his legacy.]
Doesn't fuckin' matter either way. [He spits. And yes the hostilities have gone up, the defensive thorns slammed into place. Squall treading into something just a little too personal, where the digs might actually hurt. Had he ever realized the hostility was his own way of protecting himself?] No point in asking.
[Maybe he did. Once. Maybe not anymore. He's not sure. What he is sure is that being so thoroughly denied has left a festering sore.]
no subject
Maybe. [A brief pause. He redirects his gaze downwards.] You should have been. [Another pause.] You've always been stronger.
no subject
He sits up to level a narrow-eyed stare in Squall's direction, barely holding back his malice.]
And a damn lot of good that did me. Not when you're the golden boy. The favorite. Doesn't matter how hard I fight, no matter what I do everything is yours.
[He snarls, barely containing his anger and bitterness now. Acknowledging it only helps him feel a little vindicated. In the end that never mattered either. Compared to Squall, he was nothing.]
Must be nice. To be so Hyne. Damned. Perfect.
no subject
I never asked for any of it.
[His anger is a lot more subdued compared to Seifer's but it's there in the deeper drone of his voice.]
no subject
But you got it. Handed to you on a silver Hyne-damned platter.
[It didn't matter if he didn't want it. In a way it made it even more infuriating because it made every effort to try to earn something useless. No matter what he did Seifer would forever be relegated to the useless, pathetic failure he was destined to be. While Squall? All he had to do was exist and succeed.]
People try to hand you the fuckin' world, Leonhart, and all you can do is sulk about it.
no subject
Why are you getting mad at me for? Neither of us had a choice. I'd have given it all to you if you want it so badly. What's so great about having destiny pushed on me? My life was decided the day matron inherited Ultimecia's powers. The day I-
[He cuts himself off, scowling. He doesn't know if he wished he never told matron about SeeD or Garden that day. It was the right thing to do. The only thing he could have done.]
Forget it. I'm sorry I asked.
[He was trying the best he can. In a way he's aware he had the luxury Seifer didn't but it doesn't make it easier to have it thrown back in his face.]
no subject
The day you what?
[He snarled dangerously. They both had their lives decided for them in that moment. That one would rise and one would fall a puppet. Squall being annoyed about it only makes the bite worse. The slap in the face all the more humiliating. He doesn't even have the decency to realize it.
He gestures to the door.]
Get out.
[He's done with Squall for the day.]
no subject
He glares at Seifer again before turning and walking right out, slamming the door behind him. Holing up in his room sounds good right about now.]
no subject
Progress, even if it doesn't look like it on the surface. He'll be back to annoying Squall when he's not hating him. They both need to sulk in their rooms a while.]